First Christmas
by kkendall
Summary: Zach and Ryan have been together for a few months but Ryan is still coming to terms with his sexuality and not ready for any public declarations in front of Zach's family. Even if it means they have to spend the holidays apart.


**First Christmas**

"Drea, I don't think he's ready." I'd been having the same conversation with my cousin Drea for two weeks.

"Of course he's ready, Zach." She plugs in the two foot fiber optic tree that she insisted setting up on my coffee table. It's obstructing the view of the wide screen but as long as Drea is living with me, I'm not going to deny her a Christmas tree. "They'll love him."

"I know they will but still coming to terms with being out and spending Christmas with our family will probably be overwhelming."

"Only one way to find out." She glances out the window. "Lover boy's here."

I could feel my face split in a grin. Ryan, the man who appeared unexpectedly in my life and turned it right side up, was home. Okay, technically it's my home that he's visiting but I want it to be his home. We've only been together a few months so we aren't there yet…but as soon as I know he'll say yes, I'm going to hand him the key to my apartment.

I open the door as soon as I hear Ryan's solid knock. Just looking at the excited twinkle in his deep blue eyes gets my stomach fluttering every time. "Hey, babe."

"Baby." Ryan steps into my arms and burrows his nose into my neck. "I missed you."

I laugh and wrap my arms around him. "I missed you too. It's been, what, seventeen hours."

"Yes, and they've been hell." He nips at my neck before pulling back and dropping his hot mouth over mine. Every kiss still feels like the first. He always starts out tentatively as if he expects me to pull away. But then he can't hold back for more than two or three seconds before he attacks me. It's a torturous heaven. His tongue finds mine and wrestles for dominance.

I barely get the door closed before I back him into the wall and press my body against his. Ryan's hard shaft is protruding under his jeans. It crosses mine perfectly. I swear we were made for each other. I can't keep my hips from grinding against him as my hand fists in his wavy brown hair. He's been going longer and longer between haircuts and I'm pretty sure it's because he knows how much I like to hold onto it while we make love.

The giggle and throat clearing behind me finally reaches Ryan's ears and he pushes me away. He's still shy about PDAs, even in front of my cousin. She's the one who introduced us but he has only discovered his true sexuality since meeting me three months ago. He has a long way to go before he can make out with a man in front of any kind of audience. And when I say a man, I mean me. I'm the only man he's been with and I intend to keep it that way. I'm not the sharing type.

"Sorry, Drea." Ryan coughs once and pulls his sweatshirt down in front of his bulging crotch. "Didn't see you there."

"Yeah, I can't imagine you saw anything that wasn't down Zach's throat." She skips over to us and gives him a kiss on the cheek. "I think you guys are adorable."

"Yeah," I grab his hand and pull him to the sofa, "we are."

The rosy hue on Ryan's face makes me want to take him right there. I love that he blushes so easily. He hates it and I know that will go away in time but it gets me hot every time. I love having that effect on him. The same effect he has on me.

"You hungry?" I snuggle next to him on the sofa and take one of Ryan's hands. "I have a lasagna in the fridge."

"That sounds delicious."

I give him a quick peck on the cheek then jump up. "Gimme two minutes to warm it up."

As soon as Ryan is done eating, I decide to broach the subject I know he's not going to like. "My parents called today."

He wipes his face with a napkin and turns to face me. "Is everything okay? You seem upset."

"Everything's good. They're fine." I clear my throat and smile. "In fact, they asked if you'd like to come home with me for Christmas."

I'm glad I waited for him to be done eating or else he would have probably choked at my words. Even with an empty mouth, he gasped a bit for air. "Like at their house? With your whole family around?"

I wrapped both hands around Ryan's palm and pulled it to my lips, gently kissing it before leaning my cheek into it. "Yes, babe. They want to meet you. I know they'll love you."

At the mention of the L-word, Ryan's body tenses just a second. We haven't said the word yet but it was obvious to both of us that we felt more than love. I don't know how he would describe it but Ryan was my whole world. The day started when I felt his kiss and ended with him curled in my arms. He didn't officially live with me but even on the occasional nights when he went back to his apartment, like last night, I felt like I wasn't truly awake until he was back in my arms.

His slight tremor doesn't scare me as much as it might have when I was younger. I don't take it as a sign that he has regrets or concerns. He is still new to being gay and I'm happy to give him the space he needs to accept his new reality. His reality as my lover. My boyfriend. My everything.

"I'm not sure about that, baby." Ryan brushes his thumb against my cheek then rests his head on my shoulder. "Maybe a less significant holiday. Like St. Patrick's Day or Fourth of July?"

I kiss the top of his head. "If you don't want to go, I understand. But I just can't imagine spending five days in Auburn without you there. It's gonna be the worst Christmas ever."

I don't mean to whine but as the reality sinks in that we're actually going to be separated by over a hundred miles, my heart starts hammering in my chest. I'll never survive it.

"Maybe we can meet in the middle one or two days," he offers.

"Maybe."

I spend the next two weeks dreading the holiday. I've always loved Christmas and I miss my family terribly. They've been supportive of me since I came out in high school and I know they just want to see me happy. Since breaking up with Steve a few years ago, I haven't mentioned any guys to them. Drea has been working diligently to set me up but it wasn't until she brought home a cute straight dude that was worried about getting a DUI that I had to finally admit how lonely I was. If Ryan didn't walk into my apartment that fateful night, I'd probably still be spending my nights in front of video game screen. Now, my nights are spent exploring his body and learning new ways to make him squirm.

At the thought of squirming, he presses his hard cock into my belly. I'm exhausted and I know he needs a few more hours of sleep before we have to get up and say our goodbyes but I can't ignore him when he's in need.

My hand reaches down and gently wraps around Ryan's cock. He's so hard and long that I can't stop myself from stroking it. Ryan immediately responds by moaning and thrusting into my hand though he's still asleep.

"Yes, Zach. Like that." He's fucking my hand in his dream and it's hot as hell. My own dick is jealous of the attention but I ignore it. I just want to memorize the look on Ryan's face as he comes for me. I've seen that look hundreds of times now but it never gets old.

While panting and mumbling incoherently, his hips move faster. I press a finger against his hole with my free hand and increase my pace. I know he's close. I am too and I'm just watching him. My eyes don't leave his face as I feel his warm cum pour out over my hand, slicking the path, inviting me to climb on. I want to but Ryan is still asleep so I lick my fingers clean and let him rest for a few more hours. As my eyes finally close, I see a small smile on his face. God, I love this man.

Noon rolls around much sooner than either of us would like but if we want to avoid Friday afternoon traffic, we need to leave. Ryan's family lives about fifty miles south of University of Pacific where we both attend. My family lives about eighty miles north of campus. If his parents knew he was gay, I'd have blown off my family and gone home with him. But he was not even close to coming out to anyone back home so that was out of the question. I briefly considered going home with him as a friend but that thought didn't last long. Anyone who watched us together for more than a few minutes could see that we're more than friends.

With tears blurring my vision, I head to the freeway, away from Ryan. I'm not five miles out of town when my phone rings. I hit the speaker button and answer.

"Everything okay, babe?"

"No." His voice is lower than usual.

"What's wrong? Car trouble?" I try to keep the panic from my voice but I doubt I'm successful.

"Heart trouble." I can hear a smile in his voice but I know it's forced.

"I see." My throat feels like a boulder is stuck in it. "Me too."

"Can we Skype as soon as you get home?" Ryan asks.

"Of course, but there's gonna be a full house. My aunt and her kids are already there so I won't have much privacy."

"Oh, never mind." I can hear the disappointment in his voice and it breaks my heart. "I should let you go so you don't crash."

If I wasn't worried about him getting upset while he's driving, I'd keep him on the line just so I can hear his breathing. But I want him to focus on the road. It's starting to drizzle and I'll be worried sick if I know he's distracted.

"Okay," I say reluctantly. "I'll be thinking about you every minute of the day."

"Me too," he whispers.

Ryan and I both arrive to happy parents that are eager to catch up and keep us busy. We send a few texts per day about what we're doing but we I haven't had two minutes alone to have a real conversation with him. It's Christmas Eve and everyone is eating dessert when I finally sneak out to the front porch to call Ryan.

He answers on the second ring. "Hey, baby. I'm so happy you called."

My stomach flutters at his sincere greeting. "I'm so happy you answered. I've missed you so bad."

"Me too." I hear a door shut behind him. "You managed to escape the twins?"

I laugh. "Yeah, Maisy and Misty are probably looking for me so I don't have long."

Ryan growls a little. "I know they're only five but I still don't like anyone chasing after my man."

I love when he calls me his man. "Well, if you were here to claim me, maybe they'd stop chasing me around the house all day."

"Don't tempt me."

"I'm not." I whisper. "I'm begging."

"Baby, please don't. You're killing me."

I choke back a sob. Everyone thinks I'm so strong and put together but when it comes to Ryan, I'm nothing but a big marshmallow. A sobbing, gay marshmallow. I'm pathetic.

"Sorry. I know." I clear my throat and brush my sleeve across my face. "I'm not being fair. I'll see you in two days."

"Zach, are you sure you're okay?" he asks. I can hear the concern in his tone but my little breakdown has passed. At least as far as Ryan needs to know.

"I'm fine. Just getting emotional because of the holidays. I'll let you get going."

Ryan hesitates then I hear a woman's voice in the background. That must be his mom. "Okay, if you're sure you're okay."

"I am. I'll text you when I'm going to sleep."

"Okay, goodnight, baby." Ryan is speaking quietly.

"Goodnight, Ry."

It wasn't a good night. As much as I want to just sleep away the next forty-eight hours and be back with Ryan, I'm feeling physically ill from being apart. I toss and turn all night and when the twins bounce on my bed to wake me up at six am, I'm tempted to bounce them out the damn window.

But, I put on the fake smile I've been wearing for three days and go through the motions of Christmas morning. First the presents. Then the cinnamon rolls and cocoa. Then stockings.

I've been recruited to set up the girls' new karaoke machine in the den so when the doorbell rings, I don't bother looking up. There are plenty of other people in the house that can accept the plate of cookies or bottle of wine from the neighbors. I've got two little girls with Frozen CDs and dolls in their hands waiting for the microphone to turn on. As soon as the last cord is plugged in and the obnoxious Disney music begins to fill the room, I turn to sneak out before the scream singing starts.

My arms are full of cardboard and plastic wrap when I bump into someone in the doorway. My eyes fly up and lock onto Ryan's beautiful blue pools just as the breath leaves my chest. I drop everything and fly into his arms. He catches me with a low grunt and we both fall against the doorframe. "Merry Christmas, baby."

I don't respond with words. There aren't any to describe the happiness I feel at touching his skin. My mouth lands on hard and fast, reassuring myself that he's really here. Really a hundred miles away from his family on Christmas morning. Really in my family home. And, ohmigod, is actually kissing me back in front of people. I don't bother to look to see what kind of audience we have. It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that he's here.

When the singing stops and _ewws_ and _yucks_ echo from the pink microphone, I finally pull back to take a breath. Ryan is just as perfectly handsome as ever. More so after three days of distance. We haven't spent that much time apart since getting together and I hope we never try it again.

"You came?" I say as I nuzzle into his ear and inhale his clean scent.

"Just about." He laughs and gives my ass a squeeze.

My mom gasps quietly from beside us then chuckles to herself. Ryan finally remembers we aren't alone and stands straight. When he tries to step away from me, my grip around him just tightens. "Uh uh, mister. You're not going anywhere." I ignore his shocked expression and turn to my mom. "Mom, this is Ryan, my boyfriend."

"Well, I certainly hope so." She pushes me aside and drags Ryan in for a firm hug. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Um, thanks, ma'am." Ryan is bright red still and looks like he wants to crawl into a hole. "Sorry about the intrusion."

"Don't be silly." She lightly smacks his shoulder. "You're welcome here anytime. I'm so happy you could join us."

He turns to me and smiles. "Well, I just couldn't stand another day away from your son."

I take his mouth into another hard kiss but pull back before he has a coronary. "The feeling was mutual."


End file.
